a secret chord

tonight i was home alone for an hour and a half...so i sang. i walked around the house, singing as loudly as i wanted. no inhibitions. even belting at points. i honestly haven't sung that way--with such freedom,  joy, and devotion--since early 2011. yes, i've been home alone plenty of times throughout the years (sometimes even for days). of course, i sang aloud as much as i wanted; it has just never been as special as this. before i felt inspired to begin, it was already set to a playlist of songs that mean the most to me.

every lyric is what i feel.
every lyric is truth.

every lyric, every note is prayer.

// I see a light shine now.

breath of the heart //

"There's only two mistakes that I have made: it's running from the people who could love me best and trying to fix a world that I can't change."

It's amazing how much the above lyric resonates with me and sums up much of the past five years of my life.

I am thankful to say that I am reconnecting with whom I ran away from. And the good news is--in spite of the fact that I can't take it upon myself to feel responsible for the world--I can make a difference every day. I can't try to force change upon anyone or control situations in hopes for beneficial results; I can work on myself and perhaps influence others in the process.

I can contribute to the natural, inevitable process of change by sending out love and positive energy on a daily basis. Simply being my true self and living from a state of balanced inner peace in all situations is what gives me the chance to contribute to the world's healing and our evolution.

So I will.

"Become what you are."

This year has been pivotal. I feel like I've truly grown in massive amounts. I can consciously sense significant difference, glancing over where I was last year around this same time. So much has become more clear. It sounds cliche, but I legitimately feel much wiser than even just a year ago.

I have developed better relationships with loved ones. I have come out of my shell and no longer feel the need to isolate myself so much. I needn't fear opening my heart. I have and will always hold such love for our planet and all that are on it...I am so grateful that I'm not afraid.

I've tasted fire, I'm ready to come alive...I'm ready now. Cause every day, a choice is made. Every day I choose my fate.

I'm so grateful. This year is the year. 2014 was the necessary calm after the storm. Smooth.

2015 is the year things start moving... everything is starting. The pieces will continue coming together. I am so guided and protected. I shall now make "resolutions," which are essentially what I've been making lists of in my journal for a while now...

constant introspection, awareness and objectivity, attunement with Self, maintaining a clean living environment, more running, more yoga, more stretching, more sauna time, more water drinking, more hydration, more attention to food, more time spent cooking, more time spent praying, more time spent meditating, more reading, tons more reading on my passions and interests for my life's pursuits, more writing, more singing, more joy, more remembrance, more time spent in nature, more love and conscious attention to energy, more independence, more gratitude, more growth, more Presence: standing up for myself.

Every day, the world is made a chance to change...I'm ready now: forever, Now.

streets of gold // turn the tide

as i ran, i listened;
as i listened, i felt.

i reached the end,
and made my way to the corner:

we are here to love each other, serve each other, and uplift each other.

as i stood, i listened;
as i listened, i heard.

/////////////////////////////

the wind turbulent,
yet restorative--

gusts so strong,
nearly forcing me to the ground.

but i just stood there,
holding on--

gripping the fence
with both hands:

grounded, protected, and at peace.

|| so: 20999, 20330 ||

It's good to be alive.

I am so happy.
and I am so grateful
--to be here, right now.

amidst the pain, the loss, the suffering, the confusion;
amidst the comfort, the memories, the joy, the clarity.

amidst it all.

// Stranded in the streams without a branch to rescue me and pull me from the tormenting. Will I die here in the water? I closed my eyes so I could see; then there grew a tree from my belief.  Now here I stand with two dry feet, and there my past dies in the water. //

|| I am here,
and I am always ready.

This is so, so good,
and I can breathe now. ||

at the beginning: 11/11

today is a day,
tomorrow is another

today.

we breathe it in,
the highs and lows.

we are right now,
tomorrow is another

now.

it is always now,
let us be.

// // // // // // // //

I'm grateful that a sense of purpose for my life path has started developing on an even deeper level this past month. What I had only dreamed could be the case is already a burgeoning reality for others. Although I'd felt alone for so many years, there are numerous people who see things the way I do. Not only that, but they have the wisdom to back it up and are already changing the paradigm for others. All I have to do is remind myself that I have the power to make my own decisions.

I will speak and live out my truth.

More and more will not have to lose themselves.
More and more will not become walking ghosts.
More and more will understand the intricate details.
More and more will welcome true recovery.
More and more will be healed.

I will inspire others. I will be an example.

This year I will face the needless fear of standing up for myself. I am guided and will address the circumstance when I know that the time is right.

I am a fully capable adult. There is absolutely no reason for me not to live the life I want to. There is no excuse for me to live my life in a manner with which I do not agree. This approaching year I will finally make my own decisions and take my first steps.

// // // // // // // //

The future,
my life path,

is today,
tomorrow,

and right now.

"In the end, I want to be standing at the beginning."

so it begins.

something just occurred to me

there's something special about holding treasures for people, even knowing there's a good chance they might never be given. sometimes i'll find something for myself and then realize that it'd be a really meaningful gift for someone for the same reason it's important to me. it's hard to explain. i mean, whatever the thing may be is still for me...but more than that. something along the lines of simultaneously forever carrying a piece of their joy and the knowledge of what would be their reaction with you at all times. it's something beautiful. even if i could (and i easily can now), i wouldn't want to change it.

 so i won't.

 [[ AWAKE. ]]