Lately I've been feeling the disconnect. Though I'm always aware of it, I'm--for the most part--no longer emotionally affected by it. The "loneliness" isn't unbearable as it was many years ago because I know that word or idea is far from reality. That doesn't change the fact that this planet often feels so foreign to me. I'm glad that I understand possible explanations as to why I've never understood. But that doesn't change the fact that I still sometimes experience melancholy nights in which I wish for like-minded people to discuss certain concepts and ideas without sounding absolutely insane. But then--like now--I remember that this pattern is a bad habit that ultimately ends up draining me and always has the potential to spiral downward to a place of apathetic lethargy.
Okay. I'm glad I got this off my chest because in doing so I remembered the above and will now go shed myself of this negative energy.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Monday, September 9, 2013
ch-ch-changes
I've been meaning to write a post here the past week or so but wasn't reminded to do so until I saw this quote:
“I don’t know why people are so keen to put the details of their private life in public. They forget that invisibility is a superpower.” --Bansky
I'll admit this entire post is kind of ironic given the topic, but for some reason this blog compared to all the other social media outlets has felt most private (Don't worry. I'm not so delusional to think anything posted publicly or communicated via message online is actually private...thanks, NSA. ha). But this blog more than anywhere else on the internet has always been where I feel most comfortable expressing myself when it comes to personal emotions, thoughts, or general observations. And it has now become probably the only site where I'll continue to be most open.
I enjoy Instagram for its simplicity, but everything else has sort of drifted away when it comes to staying up-to-date on people I know personally. It's been so refreshing to no longer read everyone else's posts or update excessive details of my life on Facebook, Twitter, and even Tumblr for the most part. In fact, I love that I can avoid Facebook altogether thanks to push notifications. (It's funny because when I first realized all the benefits of not logging on anymore, I wouldn't do so for days...so I forgot to check if anyone sent me anything and would fail to read messages...but then I remembered I could change the settings on my phone so I no longer have to go on the site anymore! Obviously I got excited...ha) I am also grateful I thought to make a new Tumblr altogether. It has been so beneficial to follow blogs only about topics or issues I find significant.
Some other quick thoughts:
1) Going to school is more of a relief now that I found a great location to spend my time when I'm waiting for long periods in-between classes. It's upstairs, outdoors, in the shade, and not surrounded by overwhelming amounts of students. It's kind of like a random oasis (metaphorically speaking of course), and I don't feel uncomfortable or anxious. Now I literally only walk through campus when I go to my classes and then when I leave at the end of the day. And all three of the buildings I have classes in are right next to each other!
2) I feel like I'm kind of MIA all the time in regards to communication with anyone here that isn't family. There are only a couple of friends I keep in contact with...and even that is very minimal (I don't mind because it's sort of like the whole Facebook/social networking thing...I just feel more at peace keeping to myself).
3) I'm grateful to have been hired. It is an ideal location for me, I enjoy the environment/interacting with customers, and I am happy it surrounds me with topics I am interested in and will be able to learn more about as time goes on. The fact that it is privately owned and not a chain owned by a corporation is another aspect I love. Though I've only had three days of training and still feel nervous sometimes about the future, I must remind myself that I am fully capable and everything will continue to go well.
All in all, I am working to maintain a state of balance. I'm learning to be okay with where I am. I'll say it once again even though I say it enough already: I'm grateful for this blog.
I think that's it for now.
“I don’t know why people are so keen to put the details of their private life in public. They forget that invisibility is a superpower.” --Bansky
I'll admit this entire post is kind of ironic given the topic, but for some reason this blog compared to all the other social media outlets has felt most private (Don't worry. I'm not so delusional to think anything posted publicly or communicated via message online is actually private...thanks, NSA. ha). But this blog more than anywhere else on the internet has always been where I feel most comfortable expressing myself when it comes to personal emotions, thoughts, or general observations. And it has now become probably the only site where I'll continue to be most open.
I enjoy Instagram for its simplicity, but everything else has sort of drifted away when it comes to staying up-to-date on people I know personally. It's been so refreshing to no longer read everyone else's posts or update excessive details of my life on Facebook, Twitter, and even Tumblr for the most part. In fact, I love that I can avoid Facebook altogether thanks to push notifications. (It's funny because when I first realized all the benefits of not logging on anymore, I wouldn't do so for days...so I forgot to check if anyone sent me anything and would fail to read messages...but then I remembered I could change the settings on my phone so I no longer have to go on the site anymore! Obviously I got excited...ha) I am also grateful I thought to make a new Tumblr altogether. It has been so beneficial to follow blogs only about topics or issues I find significant.
Some other quick thoughts:
1) Going to school is more of a relief now that I found a great location to spend my time when I'm waiting for long periods in-between classes. It's upstairs, outdoors, in the shade, and not surrounded by overwhelming amounts of students. It's kind of like a random oasis (metaphorically speaking of course), and I don't feel uncomfortable or anxious. Now I literally only walk through campus when I go to my classes and then when I leave at the end of the day. And all three of the buildings I have classes in are right next to each other!
2) I feel like I'm kind of MIA all the time in regards to communication with anyone here that isn't family. There are only a couple of friends I keep in contact with...and even that is very minimal (I don't mind because it's sort of like the whole Facebook/social networking thing...I just feel more at peace keeping to myself).
3) I'm grateful to have been hired. It is an ideal location for me, I enjoy the environment/interacting with customers, and I am happy it surrounds me with topics I am interested in and will be able to learn more about as time goes on. The fact that it is privately owned and not a chain owned by a corporation is another aspect I love. Though I've only had three days of training and still feel nervous sometimes about the future, I must remind myself that I am fully capable and everything will continue to go well.
All in all, I am working to maintain a state of balance. I'm learning to be okay with where I am. I'll say it once again even though I say it enough already: I'm grateful for this blog.
I think that's it for now.
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