with the tears of saints and hypocrites

I'm not awake,
I'm not asleep.

I was never either of the two. Those were labels. And those labels were lies.

Nonexistent.

When it comes down to it, all these words are nothing.

I was blind all along....for all I know, I still am. I will forever be wearing this new pair of glasses.

But that's the way this is supposed to be. I'm not supposed to understand completely. Enlightenment is a lie. All we can do is keep breathing.

I've been living here in this city of angels what's now just short of 21 years. And to this day, I am learning to keep my eyes and mind wide open. 

But it's not easy. 

I lost my way for years...

my mind,

my sanity,

my passion,

my hope.

It has taken numerous "near-death" experiences for me to finally learn the lesson that has been awaiting me all along: All I can ever know for sure is that I don't know. 

All I want is to be of service. 

All I want is to keep loving.

All I can---and will--do is remind myself that every breath is a second chance and remember how blessed I am to be here right now: I need the sea because it teaches me.