owl

I really need to stop this.

I get way below the amount of sleep I need...and I could get a lot more if I did not procrastinate so much.

This could be so simple to fix, but it really is easier said than done.

I'm finding monotonous tasks such as homework more and more unappealing each day.

The night is too inviting.

I think I'm slowly turning nocturnal.

incessant tendencies

yearning, dreaming, wishing, imagining.

initiating it myself as usual..yet receiving eagerness in return.

it doesn't make sense how all remains silent and still--things go on their usual, disconnected way-- until I initiate it.

And in this, there's depth...and interest.

I can see that for sure.

But then I stop it, and things go back to their original condition. The two opposing worlds just don't mix, I guess.

What a vicious, interminable cycle.

old habits die hard.

cognizance

As I was sitting on the bus today, I was thinking how there's something about myself lately that has changed. I'm so much more aware of my surroundings, and the littlest things can make me feel good. I am actually seeing the world around me and absorbing everything, soaking it all in. It's as if I have a totally new perspective...a new set of eyes.

slap

Today I heard some words that really hit home for me.

"I know this type. It's an act."

I desperately needed to hear this statement and feel the realization hit me like a slap across the face.

OUCHHH, MAN.

But really. I'm glad.

sing

I've been listening to Flogging Molly all morning.

"So sing to me..sing me a song, a song from yesterday.
And when the laughter turned these tears before the promises, then they'll slip away
Don't turn your back on me, don't turn your back on me, don't ever let me down...
We are within a mile; we are within a mile, within a mile of home."

baby steps

Ungrateful and selfish is what I am.

I know that.

I'll admit it.

But, honestly...what seventeen year old, teenage child isn't?

I like to think I'm a pretty good daughter in spite of all I may do that isn't so great.

I KNOW you have a lot..and do so much..and make so many sacrifices, but so much of what you do and the way you treat me AFFECTS ME. I'm really starting to see it more and more.

One small step you can try to take out of the millions of possibilities?

LET'S CUT DOWN THE CONSTANT NEGATIVITY and for once focus on the positives first. Yeah, sure. Let's do that.

childhood thoughts

This song, though I've heard it many times before...got stuck in my head today.

It was then that I realized just how much the lyrics resonate with me, my feelings about my childhood and past/family.

"You were a child
Crawling on your knees toward it
Making momma so proud
But your voice was too loud
We like to watch you laughing
Picking insects off of plants
No time to think of consequences

Control yourself
Take only what you need from it
A family of trees wanted to be haunted
Control yourself
Take only what you need from it
A family of trees wanted to be haunted

The water is warm
But it's sending me shivers
A baby is born
Crying out for attention
The memories fade
Like looking through a fogged mirror
Decision to decisions are made and not bought
But I thought this wouldn't hurt a lot
I guess not

Control yourself
Take only what you need from it
A family of trees wanted to be haunted
Control yourself
Take only what you need from it
A family of trees wanted to be haunted"

friends

I honestly have the greatest friends a person could ever hope to have.

I am glad I have realized how blessed I am to have them.

satisfaction

Everything makes sense to me now.

No more confusion.

Though I will never be the same, things can go back to the way they were.

come back

there's something about the rain,

tapping
across
the
drain pipes

drenching the surroundings with its chilling refreshments.


comforting.

cleansing.

purifying.

peaceful.


rain, rain, never go away.

the night

never in my life have I slept so little yet felt so awake.

Screaming

the shrill discordance pains my acute sense of hearing.

piercing.

strident.

It was monkey see monkey do for you, and it can be for us.

But I won't let that happen.