Tuesday, March 31, 2009

incoherent rambling





Confrontation and finally spilling out the things you've been wanting to say for so long...and hearing an answer you expected, but still kinds of sucks.

it all seems like it will kill the magic.

it's good I finally faced up to it...but then I wonder, is it really?

for some reason though, I feel like I might not stop. I mean, technically, it's not going to stop. I just got the confirmation I needed...but it will still remain the same.


and oh man oh man oh man oh man. life is ironic.

I really don't know what to say.

the two flashing boxes.

the two people.

the two ideas that have messed with my mind.

what in the world.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

thoughts at 1 AM

I'd like to go on a neverending walk.

just keep moving for miles and miles..and see where I end up.

I love watching everything around me when I'm outside.

right now, it is night, and I am dreaming of a vast field interspersed with weeds, grass, and small flowers.

In this field, I can lie on my back for hours...and never have to move. All I have to do is lie there, soaking in the moment.

Here I do not have to worry or think about anything.

My mind could focus solely on the beauty that surrounds me and the gift that the sky brings: the sun's rays in the day and the moon's glow at night.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

in that moment

the tingling starts in the fingers.

gripping the microphone stand, body angled to the left, I look out to the farthermost crease in the wall.

out of the corner of my eye, I see their expressions.

the music's emotions hit me in all the right places...for real, this time.

they can see it.

my hands are now so completely numb, I can no longer feel them--in my mind, they are shaking like no other, but thanks to my eyes, I can see that is not so.

I hear the words of praise.

a voice calls my name and motions for me to come over.

pulling me into a tight embrace, I hear her gratitude and can feel the movement of her relief.

the warm, callous hands pull my face into hers.

looking right at her, I see the tears rolling down.




these feelings, sounds, and visions amount to the beauty of human emotion.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I came to see the light...congratulations.

sitting on the warm concrete, the repeated melody floats through the air and the sun's rays seep into my skin.

as I get up to continue with my day, I feel as if I am still lying there.

the sun is in me.

not only is this apparent by the pinkish hues appearing on my skin, but also by the heat felt both on the surface and the inside.

it is an eternal warmth, a warmth that makes all other surroundings cool and refreshing.

an eternal glow.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

dance of the night


the branches of trees rub against each for warmth, creating music that sounds like the ocean's waves crashing against the shore.


a girl's hands are cold as ice, though only until hours have passed, does she finally realize.


she listens.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

teenage wasteland

why can't I stop?

I'm fine when I force myself into avoiding it completely...but no matter what, it still remains in the hindmost parts of my mind and at some point or another, always comes rushing back to me.

why do you seem so familiar when in reality, you might as well be a complete stranger?

after all these years, you'd think I would be able to get a grip over myself and move on.

I don't even know what is keeping me attached. in fact, sometimes I wonder how much of this was ever, could ever be real...and how much is just created by my own distorted imagination.

pathetic is what it is. just thinking about all the hours I've spent over this is a bit disconcerting.


I guess I should stop trying to find an explanation. I never will know the answer to that question.

however, what I do know is that I can always count on my good 'ol mind to keep reminding me with these dreams, taunting me with unrealistic ideas.

though this probably isn't healthy, it seems like I'll continue to live in this on and off delusion for now.

"see me; feel me."

Sunday, March 15, 2009

rapture on a sunday

speeding down the tracks, I feel the exhilaration brought on by consistent movement of the train's wheels, spinning round and round and around and around.

laughing with good friends, I gaze at the various worlds that flash by us.

urban skyscrapers. industrial factories. quaint towns. homogeneous suburbs. empty fields. green pastures. the vibrant, shining ocean that sparkles as the sun hits its rolling waves.

hopping of the train, we know we are in for a very special day.

we can feel it.


Isn't it strange how life works?

how one hasty decision or a small pause can change your entire course of events?

well, today either major luck just happened to be on our side or someone was watching out for us: all our actions led us to a variety of incredible moments.

you know those kinds of days that only happen once in a while? well, you could say we experienced one of those.

so many things happened that looking back on, I still can't even believe. things that if you had asked me 4 years ago, I never would have imagined happening.

I feel like a part of me is more complete...and I can still feel the harmony pulsing through my veins.

harmony I can't believe I had forgotten.

there was truly magic in this day.

Friday, March 13, 2009

impracticable desires?

I have pretty high expectations.

Are they realistic?

Are you out there?

If so, how long do I have to wait?

And I wonder why things are the way they are.

But I'm not about to compromise my decisions and my ideals.

I'll just keep waiting.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

conclusions of the day

months later, the biting air burns my skin; at first, I find I am wary without my usual coverup shield. as time passes though, I see it was indeed time for a bit of crisp, raw change.

I listen and laugh among the rest of them as they tell their tales.

As amusing and humorous as their stories may be, I realize that I really do love my innocence.

Monday, March 9, 2009


fake a smile and move on as always, brittany.

for now, at least.

you can do it.

you always do.

deep breaths.

go on.

open your eyes

What we have is more real and full of substance than you will ever know.

Don't get me wrong. I am not bashing the way people choose to live their lives or the things that bring them fun. In fact, I believe that people deserve the choice to do the things they enjoy, to do what makes them happy..no matter what those things may be.

It's just..right now, I feel so satisfied with those close to me in my life and the things we do for enjoyment.

We have fun.

We feel good.

We have a release.

We can remove ourselves from the stresses of everyday life.

We can feel alive.

You know how we do this?

By living a little thing called LIFE and truly SEEING the world around us for what it is.

Once again, let me reiterate that this it not at all my preaching at anyone to change his or her lifestyle.

I am just so glad I have my new, own set of eyes and am so relieved that I am...well, content in my own skin.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


forget the words. forget the looks.
forget the smiles. forget the hooks.
forget the stories...forget the thoughts.
but never, ever forget the indescribable joy.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

constant motion

For years, people have always been telling me, "Brittany, you think too much."

This goes for all kinds of different situations...academically..socially...in almost every aspect of life.

And you know what I have to say to those people?

You're all right.

My mind is perpetually moving 100 miles-a-minute, forever "thinking too much." The assorted voices inside my head continually spurt out question after question after question.

"What if...?"

"How come..?"

"Why do I..?"

"Do you think maybe..?"

Never before I have truly pondered this fact; all this ongoing thought must be draining.

But, you know what?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Thinking too much" is simply...me.

Monday, March 2, 2009

a broken, worn out heart

what, you ask?


sometimes you need to have those horrible, universe-is-plotting-against-you kind of days.

why, you ask?


sometimes you have to have those moments to cry. to sob. to free the multitude of hidden emotions that though not always visible, are always hiding there...building up inside.

how, you ask?

just let everything out.

"All I have is all of me, and it's all that I can give."

Sunday, March 1, 2009

a view from a pew

endless faces, endless names.

do they truly believe everything they say they do, or is it just a charade?

a charade in which everyone plays a part, a charade everyone thinks is real..or at least pretends is so.

what do they gain from it? how?

it's incomprehensible.

not to mention that the hypocrisy exhibited by some makes it all even more baffling.