teenage wasteland

why can't I stop?

I'm fine when I force myself into avoiding it completely...but no matter what, it still remains in the hindmost parts of my mind and at some point or another, always comes rushing back to me.

why do you seem so familiar when in reality, you might as well be a complete stranger?

after all these years, you'd think I would be able to get a grip over myself and move on.

I don't even know what is keeping me attached. in fact, sometimes I wonder how much of this was ever, could ever be real...and how much is just created by my own distorted imagination.

pathetic is what it is. just thinking about all the hours I've spent over this is a bit disconcerting.

why?!

I guess I should stop trying to find an explanation. I never will know the answer to that question.

however, what I do know is that I can always count on my good 'ol mind to keep reminding me with these dreams, taunting me with unrealistic ideas.

though this probably isn't healthy, it seems like I'll continue to live in this on and off delusion for now.

"see me; feel me."