Monday, December 28, 2009

a lesson

got caught up
in the night,
the joy
and the laughter.

assuaged by their
lost touch with
and myself.

just for a
bit, 'twas a
temporary wave.

Friday, December 25, 2009

crash outlet

The yelling gets louder, on both sides.
so I turn up the volume until I'm drowning in the noise.

I can feel their tension: my stomach knots, my heart races.
I need to get out, walk far away.

But instead I sit here, drowning in the noise.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


I can still see
your smile,

a light that won't
turn off--


Sunday, December 20, 2009

monkey bars

Helping this little girl learn how to swing across the monkey bars brings back memories of the past. Every day at my preschool playground, I'd try to make it across those silver rungs. Just as she needs me to help her, I needed support from my teacher, my father, or whomever else was available at that moment. They would stand beneath me and hold onto my legs, assisting me with each swing forward.

Though it felt impossible, I grew a little stronger each day & after lots of practice, I eventually could cross those monkey bars all by myself.

I no longer needed anyone to hold me, but for the longest time, I still insisted on having someone stand there. I could now make the trek on my own, but I needed that comfort of knowing someone was there to give me the courage to keep on. Just in case I fell, they'd be there to catch me...

But in spite of all this, what I've always remembered most vividly about those monkey bars is the way the cold metal would sting my hands.

Sunday, December 13, 2009


to want (and to
contradict'ry, may be

but the mind likes to
control (over me)

inner conflict
suppressing what's real

cause the mind needn't
what the heart really feels.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

a call


If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again

on hold

If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again


If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again

a dead line

You don't know how to hang up, do you?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

don't forget to breathe

Distractions. I usually manage to suppress those thoughts. The feelings that consume so much of me that even I am getting tired of listening to myself moan about them. But no matter how many distractions I put into practice, no matter how I may feel during the day, what's really there is still hiding.

Sometimes at night, it comes out. Escapes its position deep inside of me. Not as dramatically, but just as strong. It keeps growing. And I wish there was something I could do to make it easier.

But the only way I ever knew how is temporarily out-of-reach.
I know I need to focus my energies on other things and finding myself more. But I still miss that...indescribable connection. The warmth of someone's touch, even though it never existed.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

cruel, not unnatural

You don't feign the depth,
but you are incapable
of touching

the bottom

and coming back up

for air.

You know you never have,
and worry you never will.

I never did nor do I

but watch me disappear
or at least, watch me


Wednesday, December 2, 2009


opened up, awake again

those Christmas decorations
are nothing in comparison to the bright lights of the city