Saturday, August 18, 2012

the "vice verses" that carried me home

"In the end, I wanna be standing at the beginning."

I've carried that lyric from Anastasia with me from the moment I heard it as a child. As I grew through challenges and experienced more of life, I still believed in the idea it expresses. But now, more than ever, I have found myself in the very place I wanted to be standing. 

My entire life, especially the past year, was the road. It was the "wonderful journey" that the song talks of, but as Jon Foreman sings in a song if his, "I (was) the war inside." It was that war & sickness that affected the clarity in my mind...and began to block my connection to my soul. It was these many factors that led up to the "end" that the song talks of. 

So much has happened these past two months, but the "storm is through" and I am now "standing at the beginning" for the first time in my life.

I have learned so much. I can see so many things clearly. I see where I was led astray mentally the past year around March/April 2011, in most of March 2012, & in part of the several months before the accident as well. 

But I am so grateful that I have remembered my truth. I have reconnected with Spirit. I have come back to those who have only ever loved me...who have only ever protected me with the best intentions to keep me safe & healthy. 

Life is indeed a "wonderful journey." My journey finally led me to "the end." So many things made the past year and a half a scary time. But the frightening "storm" reached its climax on June 11th and continued to rage for weeks.

Through all of it, there was a lesson waiting to be found.  And now, not only is the worst over, but I have been given a fresh start. 

I was always protected through my life, and God carried me through this entire accident...the surgeries and in ICU. I will never forget that, and I know he will continue to pave the road to recovery. There were so many lessons to be learned. I am seeing so many of them for the first time & will always carry what they have taught me wherever I go. 

I don't need to wish anymore because today & for the rest of my life, I will live with my fresh start.

I will remain here...forever "standing at the beginning" in "a world where (for now), I belong.” In this life where every breath is a second chance.”