pull

speed
to move

motion
to get away

to feel the wind; to see everything

to take it all in and never look back

honey

sick. you make me sick. your charade is too much. the drama, the madness that you cried against so pitifully...apparently, you need it to survive. you love to put on the smiles. the sick, sanguine smiles of affection. and the mania underneath? you love that too. you love it so much that you will never address your previous lull in delusion. the admittance of your pretense, the brief period when you finally awoke and realized how desperately you need to snap out of all this--fast. no, you will not dare do so. you will continue to act out your favorite scenes--the ones of sick happiness, sick love. And I'll play along, sure...

but don't think I don't know what's underneath.

unnatural

Here in this hour,
the air tells its lies

and spins a web of
false night.

open, but closed

I'm in a room. A room with its door locked from both sides. Everyone else is downstairs...they can't seem to get in--though it's not like they have even thought to try--and I am incapable of opening it for them. I sit here on the top floor, looking out--it's the only room with such wide, clear windows.


I sit here often.

No one else ever climbs up the stairs....so they cannot see what I do. It gets lonely sometimes, being the only one with this view...Someone else, please. Walk up those stairs, unbolt the door, and join me. Up here, we will look out through the open glass together.

jumps of fuss

hypocrisy to see
in me?

oh, twiddly dee
dum
dee
dum dum

fingers

crossed

head

spinning

mind

beginning

to lose it?

no, no

twiddly dee
dum
dee
dum dum

tap those
thumbs

and cross those
fingers

it's okay to sometimes
lose it

you may see
hypocrisy in me

but i needed to...be.

affliction

Here--in this
unfamiliar place,

I am alone.

My heart beats
out of my
chest...

My temple throbs
as my forehead pounds a
hammer...

And it won't stop.

I never could stand
ticking
handsofclocks

Nor the
piercing
soundsofsilence.

that in me

As of now
it may be hard to
grasp

But it's
there,
right at your
fingertips.

reason in madness

chirp chirp
chirp

blah blah
blah

hear their
noises

sweeping generalizations, what's on the surface--
assumptions

these are what they know

blah
blah blah

chirp
chirp chirp

doesn't change a thing.

'Your vinyl on laminate'

Recollections on rewind
Repeating, flashes of words and scenes

wish to press pause; it could clear your mind for a bit,

a break from the draining thoughts

calm

clarity

or, better yet?

what if you could have all this while still on play;

there'd be no need for that small, parallel-lined button

just push play.

If only...if only.

don't forget

How curious to discover that images and sounds you haven't seen for over a decade are still so familiar.

Seeing them...recognizing them--with those dear to you--can bring such happiness, such comfort.

And laughter.

Laughter so extreme that soon enough, your stomach hurts and your head starts to throb--It's the best.

A freeing kind of pain.

It's the insane hysteria you hadn't felt in a while.

You missed it.