reemerge

I recall the smell of sliced turkey,
leftover droplets of cold beer at the bottom of a glass bottle,
and greasy, ridged potato chips: Ruffles, your favorite.

My small hands clutch a half-eaten peanut butter & jelly sandwich and a frosted Capri-Sun.

We make a good team,
sitting there in our backyard garage
as I watch you throw darts next to the mask with pointed horns.

one of those evenings

As the penetrating wind roars
and the glowing sky paints its masterpiece,
I am reminded of what it means to be alive.

from the inside out

validation.

we all seek it. we all want to feel important. we all want to feel understood. we all are selfish. not just me, not just you...all of us.

so carry on, carrion. I won't get in your way.

rewind

“I wish you could sleep over. That way we could catch frogs all night.”

My 6-year-old sister said this to her little boyfriend a few minutes ago, and it got me thinking. Remember those evenings when you used to catch frogs in your backyard? Those times when you’d run outside and play tag with your dear friends? The way you’d laugh as you admired the sunset? The way you welcomed the cold air that so often turned your nose and cheeks red? I know you remember. So, tell me. Why did you stop? Growing up doesn’t mean you have to lose your childlike sense of wonder.

the liquor store

get a chocolate milk,
a piece of hershey's cookies and cream

get a paper bag,
a frost-covered refrigerator

remember this

Just think. There is someone amazing out there for you. No, scratch that. Someone is out there that is not simply amazing, but wonderful, marvelous, astonishing, and most importantly, right for YOU. Yes, you. Someone out there loves the same things you do, has your same passions, sees all that you see. Someone out there shares your vivacity, your zest for the universe. Not only that, but in addition to experiencing this bond of similarities, you’ll learn from each other. Fantastic things. You will learn so much. And love so much. This person is out there, I promise. And I know that sometimes the loneliness can consume you, overwhelm you to the point where you really do hit rock bottom. But just know that there are people like you out there. Some of them will walk in and out of your life; others will remain in it for the long haul. And as hard as it might get, sometimes just knowing they’re out there is enough to carry us through the days of this gift we call life.

beauty adorned

lying on my back, I stare at the ceiling.

I lie here in darkness I've come to know so well,
the darkness of those early morning hours when everyone else is sleeping.

lying on my back, I welcome lonely tears,
the tears I've come to know so well.

I am aware of their every movement: roll down my cheeks, trickle past my ears, and fall onto my neck.

drip by drip, over and over again.

I lie here in darkness, the lonely darkness I've come to know so well.

my precious night.

between the lines

I once promised myself I'd stay open-minded, but not invested...

I failed to do so.

I had received plenty of warning...I should have been able to prevent it...

I didn't.

I can analyze past conversations and decisions as much as I want, but that will do nothing to change the present. And since I'm not the type of person to push blame on someone else, I won't. Because it really was my own doing. Sure, a person's actions or lack thereof might come into play. But technically, that person has done nothing wrong. There's no one to blame but myself for the way I feel. And the good news is I don't hurt anymore. Or at least, not like I did. I just hope that over time my head will become free from these invasive thoughts, and I'll learn not to care so much.

something more

yes, I am still
here.

I'll probably remain for a long while
here.

where I reside, how I feel is
here.

but who knows
when that may change?

someday I will no longer be
here.

I'll be there, and it will be magic.

monotony

sometimes the actual dates in a month will completely blend together. so much that actually taking a conscious look at a calendar for the first time in weeks brings about a massive wake-up call. especially when in just two days, the month will have reached its halfway mark.

keep it going

you made a mistake,
but didn't realize it till later

you made horrible mistakes,
but wouldn't realize them till later

you're making a mistake that might hurt someone else,
but you won't realize it till later.