season's musings

lately, a certain idea has been crossing my mind: the fragility of existence. I know it's nothing profound; it's just...sometimes, when I take a step back and ponder the fact that we're all here on this planet going through our experiences together...I don't know. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I just know that everything has started feeling more delicate. life has so much beauty...and, of course, so much pain. it's as if I've come to view everyone and everything as pieces that make up a set of fine china. that sounds sort of lame, but I don't know how else to describe what I'm feeling...except for maybe this quote from "Desiderata."

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story...be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars."

I hadn't started feeling any sort of holiday spirit until today. though it's only slowly creeping on me, I hope it continues to do so in spite of certain changes to my family's situation...because it can be such a special--even magical--time. during this season especially may we remember the most important gift & treasure of this life: love.

reflection

the mind gets going,
and comparisons
arise.

judgment
of oneself,

and feelings
of inferiority;

tears
of hopelessness,

and a sense
of misdirection;

the mind takes control,
and all peace
is gone.

these
are the moments

to pause

and reconnect.

the other side

last night I dreamt I was being dragged from an unpleasant circle of screaming people into depths of complete darkness. there was no light: just a winding black staircase leading nowhere. and I was trapped. as hard as I tried, I couldn't escape. I felt panic...extreme fear. eventually, I woke up. and though it took quite awhile, I finally fell back asleep.

once again, I dreamt that I was in the same black room. but this time, the long spiral staircase didn't ascend into never-ending darkness; it led to a small, rectangular opening that seemed to be floating in mid-air. I somehow managed to climb through this portal and found myself in a glowing, white hallway. there were rooms on both sides and many more down the hall...each decorated in their own unique ways. there was a sense of peace about the place. at the end of the hall, i found a vacant room with walls made of glass. as I peered through the large window in front of me, I looked down and saw people going about their various activities. a certain sense of fellowship in the air, they all seemed content and connected with one other. it was unlike any city I had ever seen. a few people saw me and waved, smiling as if we were life-long friends.

after some moments passed, I took a seat in the center of the room and sighed with relief: I knew I was finally safe...I'd found my true home.