"You are aware of the concept of initiation and realize that it demands the centering of the being upon the seeking of the Creator...seeking the Creator is done not just in meditation and the work of an adept but in the experiential nexus of each moment... the abandoning of self to such desire to know the Creator in full that the purified in-streaming light is drawn in balanced fashion through all energy centers, meeting in indigo and opening the gate to intelligent infinity. Thus the entity experiences true life or, as your people call it, resurrection."
there is so much that i read and feel pulled toward. yet, i remain here--engaging in actions and non-actions that seem to go contrary to all that i am searching for and aspire toward. i mean, i know that every decision i make is my own. i can't blame anyone but me for all that has happened these past two years, but that doesn't mean i have to hate myself for it like i tend to do these days. i am learning to forgive. it's not easy though, especially when i feel like i got myself into a mess that has inhibited my personal and spiritual growth.
i guess that i just need to remember that all of this is, in fact, an open opportunity for further growth. however, the current situation i find myself in is kind of going backwards in a lot of regards. i can only pray that once i have found a way out all of this hasn't been too detrimental.
“Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them.” ----Martin Henry Fischer, German-born American physician
as i've said on countless occasions, i have no idea what's happening anymore. i guess the only thing i can do is keep pretending i have some sort of understanding and internally remind myself everything will be okay. i need to remember to be. here. now.
cause as i've said 1927102819212+ times in the past, now is all we have.