i'm tired of searching for things outside myself. why did i get so caught up in what others were telling me? it's always been within. a full understanding of truth cannot be taught, only experienced. and i knew that. but ever since i stopped following what my soul would tell me, everything started spiraling out of control. i'm tired of organized anything. the moment i started following lessons and fixating on formulaic directions before me to an extreme back in 2011, i fucked everything over for myself.
i was happy to simply read, to meditate. i was so happy to give, to serve.
i was so willing to BE, to experience and grow through life--up until i stopped listening to my soul.
i need to
a) get over myself
b) stop avoiding people
c) learn how to let go
d) learn to not be so sensitive
e) not be afraid to engage fully in life
f) stop thinking about the past
g) stop idealizing the future
but everything is so much easier said than done.