3/11/09 --> 11:40 PM
You. My fixation with YOU isn't even with you, is it?
I've created it all in my head.
I have this 'creation' of the person I feel you are, but one can't know a person simply through words and every once in a while, a far-off glimpse.
I need to see. to see completely.
to hear. to hear your voice.
to watch. to watch your actions.
Why do I feel this pull? this need to truly get to know you? to see behind what others don't?
Why do I think this way when in reality, you're just like the rest of them? When you, clearly, are NOT thinking anything remotely close to this about me?
The whole world is waiting, just outside; it's glowing.
Do you see it? Can you?
Do you want to? No.
You'll stay the same, and I'll remain in my head. Wanting to share this brightness. What I see.
You said you like talking because of something about 'perceptions' and the fact I see you differently than other people do. Is that not something so out-of-the-ordinary that you'd want to actually experience it? To get to know this person who sees 'something more,' who sees past your facade and the you you portray?
What if there is not anything at all?
What if, if there is, you don't want to find it?
Maybe what she thinks she sees is in fact, NOTHING.
You have no idea.
You're not worth it.
This 'you' she refers to isn't the YOU in reality.
It's an imaginary character she's created, loosely based off of a real person.
Yet, however fictional it may be, there was always something fantastic about it.
She's tired of waiting. She realizes this. She wants to live it out for real.
For now, though, real actions have brought light to this creation.
You're nothing that she thought.
This is good. She can breathe now and keep waiting.
Someday, she'll find a reality that is even better than her fiction.