Monday, March 7, 2011

"...of love?" but, what about this love?

after she left, having finished describing her day with you, I sat in silence. as I sat there at the kitchen island, staring aimlessly at the lights in the distance, it hit me: there is still a small part of me that wishes things were different.

there is still a part of me that wishes you cared enough to address that message in which I poured out my honest feelings. there is still a part of me that wishes you would be willing to sit down and discuss everything in a loving, open-minded manner.

a part of me still wishes you would take a step back and truly analyze yourself...not just according to various regimens established by others that merely cause you to think you are doing so. a part of me wishes you that you told me you missed me...instead of going around and gossiping with others about the issue whenever you find it convenient.

a part of me wishes you exerted the same amount of effort and enthusiasm into communicating with me as you do in promoting this new endeavor of yours. a part of me wishes you wanted a relationship with your daughter as much as I'd like to have a relationship with my mother.

but those wishes clearly do not make the whole: all other parts of me know I have done everything I could. though I easily might have chosen to turn away completely, I've reached out to you. I've not once retaliated back at your attempts to create drama, instead choosing peace & acceptance of where you are, acceptance of what is.

and in spite of the moments of sadness that may fall upon me every so often, that is what I will keep on doing: living in peace and acceptance.

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