thoughts

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up here. I mean, I know there's a reason (otherwise I wouldn't be here). It's just...tonight really made me realize that the way the majority of people treat themselves and each other baffles me beyond belief. And I don't just mean things that are clearly 'wrong,' like violence for example. I'm talking about the little stuff too...judgment, gossip, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, anger, etc. Everything feels so foreign, and I can't relate. I don't see things in black or white. I don't know how to analyze anymore. I empathize deeply, but no longer "feel it all." Everything just...is. And though I am working on going back to living in the now like I was before that tumultuous disruption last March, I can't help but question whether these characteristics of mine will prevent me from getting through the "practical," necessary aspects of day-to-day living. I'm not even sure where I'm going with this. I just know that while I still see things from all sides, I am detached more than ever.

George Harrison summed it up best: "Sometimes I feel like I'm actually on the wrong planet. It's great when I'm in my garden, but the minute I go out the gate I think, 'What the hell am I doing here?'"