Rivers in The Wasteland

pouring rain, 

indecisiveness.

pouring rain,

cross the street.

pouring rain,

backwards run.

pouring rain,

return to other side.

| | | | | | | | | | | | | |

familiar motion,

blue skies.

familiar walk,

grounded.

familiar sight,

rooted.

| | | | | | | | | | | | | |

grass, dirt--

back against this palm //

// right hand, left--

connected.

{ solar } 

sun starting to...

observation

ahead of me...

clarity

what feels like...

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / 

infinite murmurs surround:

variety of voices,
variety of sound.

{ sacral }

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / 

Sun glows.

animals,
friends,
families --

Loved Ones.

walking,
running,
sitting --

Movement.

There are so many of us. We're all souls just floating around with each other, orbiting one another.

We are the furthest thing from strangers. 

I feel so much love for "every one" and and every "thing" around me.

Now I focus on this breath. Now I close my eyes, three seconds--on and off. Now I soak in this moment. Now I let myself be. Now I remember. Now I tell myself it's okay. Now I feel everything. Now I know. Now I know I'm not alone. Now I love you. Now I hear you. Now I see you. Now I feel you.

Sun glows deeper, still.

Soon I shall pack and journey forward. Soon I shall continue carrying this silence. Always. I adore this moment-- by myself, surrounded by "strangers."

watching,
thinking,
learning--

Remembrance.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I stuck my hat out, I caught the rain drops. 
I drank the water, I felt my veins block.

I’m nearly sanctified, I’m nearly broken. 
I’m down the river, I’m near the open.

I’m down the river to where I’m going...

// every breath we drew was //

things have been really weird. well, no. just the opposite. really...synchronistic. so much has taken place in just these past three days. stuff that's been kept swept under the rug for over half of my life has broken free, finally out to the surface. it's time to sort through so much. and the beautiful part of it all is i'm in a state of balance and aware of the strength within--which means i am able to experience all of this in a healthy manner. making amends is one of the most important things i've ever done.

it's difficult, because there are so many different stories and pieces and aspects of my story. it's easy to throw blame on someone, but it's just as easy to remember that all three of these people have helped me and loved me just as strongly as their "wrongs" that have negatively affected me. i also am grateful to be learning that while i know not to blame someone else, it's vital not to brush aside the involvement of others. it's still important to recognize how they influenced me and how my reactions to what i've experienced shaped what i've gone through and who i am today. it's beautiful because while knowing this, i can still continue to accept full responsibility for all my reactions to my experiences. this sort of freedom is a blessing that i am grateful to cultivate. and then there's all the special synchronicity and unplanned connections to my past that have been following me. the little (though actually quite large in significance) signs that are sometimes so blatant i can't help but laugh in amazement.

working to minimize the ego's futile (though debilitating) attempts to control Being, i remember to flow through the present. i let my intuition guide me from moment to moment. today was a great return.

five / / so we let our shadows fall away like dust

Every day is a lesson. The more I read, the more I introspect, the more I look back on things with this ever-enriching perspective, the more I realize. The more I understand. The more things make sense. All the shattered & scattered pieces recombine and join together again. The giant puzzle's rough edges and seeming imperfections give it a sense of character. It is just as beautiful, but now holds a different essence.

I literally feel the love within my heart. And I mean that in full sincerity. Sometimes it's a literal experience. It makes breathing--just being--an entirely different experience.

"With golden string 
our universe was brought to life, 
that we may fall in love every time we open up our eyes."

I feel content.
I feel grateful.
I feel protected.
I feel loved.

I am what I feel; I am what I AM.